What I Believe

I believe that I am here to help. I do not know if I will help in a large way, or a small way. I do not know if what I do will impact one or many. But I do know that the way I will do this is by learning. By observing. By paying attention to what is easily ignored, the tiny and the insignificant. By soaking in utmost detail everything I see, touch, feel, and experience. By asking questions about everything, little or broad. By embracing opportunities for discomfort and doubt as treasure troves of opportunity to grow. By paying careful and mindful attention to myself, others, and the nature of everything. And challenging it all.

I will always be a student. I will always learn, always observe, and face the obstacles that stand in my way. I will grapple my ego and my sense of satiety with what I know. I will face my fears, my insecurities, and my doubts head-on to understand myself and others better. I will accept my weaknesses and learn to turn them into strengths - allies that support me, rather than weigh me down. I will be fluid, and challenge my perspective at all times. I will be my own best friend, supporter, confidante and source of strength. I will give freely, and not seek gain at the loss of others. And in the end, I hope that I will have given more than I have taken.

I will be compassionate to others, and I will be compassionate to myself. I will be a source of encouragement, a building force. I will listen without an internal monologue, to experience my fellow men's reality. I will be slow to judge and refrain from coming to hasty conclusions. I will live by paying attention to learn what we need, for we are all connected and dependent on one another. So that together, we might grow. That together, we might be stronger. That together, we might heal from our wounds - tiny and massive, visible and latent. That together we might stand with each other, understand each other, and bring the change that our world needs.

The Power of Perspective

   This is something I'd really like to focus on today. Yesterday, at work, I was thinking of how hard my day had been. The anxiety, the pain of being ignored by someone I cared for, the anguish of the thought of accepting that would be how things would be with this person in the future, and the realization I came to, reflecting on my difficult struggle during the past week, month, and year. So, as I thought and reflected on how hard it was, and how hard it had been for me, a tune arose in my mind. "Hooked on a Feeling". I couldn't get it out of my head, and I found myself being wrapped in a blanket of joy - simple, warm, unforced & rich, golden, thick joy! My thoughts started shifting. Instead of the unrelenting loss & pain of losing someone, I felt a sense of relief. That I was going to be okay. That the insane amount of pressure I put on her for my happiness was completely unnecessary. That I was going to be okay. That everything was going to be okay, no matter what. That my joy didn't have to be bound to the actions, trust, or attitudes of another person. That I, yes, really - I - could be happy, regardless of everything that was going on in my turbulent & troubled mind, that yes, I could be joyful. That I deserved it, and that I could actually be so joyful, that it could flow out of me & be absorbed by other people! That I didn't, wouldn't, and couldn't be a dark happiness sucking magnet, but rather - a powerful, genuine and inextinguishable stream of joy for others. And that there is no other joy greater than the joy of spreading joy - of lifting up an exhausted face, of sparking a tired eye, of radiating, and soaking in the reflection of all that is good in our short, transient, beautiful little lives. 

   So, this is what I have realized. I want to be a source of this joy. For myself, and everybody I meet. I want to be someone that warms hearts, and I want a fire in me that's always burning for anybody who's cold, downtrodden, lost, and just having a tough time where they are. I doubt that I can think of a gift any brighter than this.

   So where does this joy come from? I'm not exactly sure, but I can rule out a few likelihoods - it doesn't come from outside me, things like where I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing, what life is like, what I'm feeling, how others think of me, etc. Maybe some forms of joy come from these things, but not the kind I experienced yesterday. No, this joy didn't come from circumstances, or anybody/anything else. It came from something much simpler, and natural. I believe that such joy arose from something as simple as flicking on a switch. And that switch was my perspective. So, does all that come from changing the way I look at things? Changing the manner I interpret events, circumstances, and my surroundings? Yep!

   Simple? Yeah! Awesome! I'm ready to flick on this switch & keep it on forever. Can I? Why not? But it can't be that easy, can it..?

   It isn't easy.

   Imagine yourself stuck in a dark room, for ages. Miserable, cold, disoriented, lost, weak, and losing hope. And then you find a switch, turn it on, and suddenly, the room is flooded with light. And now you can see. But that is perspective. And unlike the dark room we talked about, that switch isn't lost on a far wall somewhere. It's right on us. Within ourselves. Not on your dad. Not on that job you always wanted, or the car. Or the enigmatic, gorgeous young woman with wandering green eyes that's captured your heart for ages. No, that switch is right within you. And you can turn it on whenever you want. Or ignore it and find recuse in grovelling around. Turn on the switch, and light comes flooding in, & it always overcomes the darkness. Such is the nature of light. 

  So the question, ever pounding...how do I find the switch?

   Change the way you look at what it is that causes you distress as an opportunity. For real. Not for convincing yourself that it's not so bad, nah. But that it is for real, an opportunity. That it's great! You're lucky to be experiencing it right now. You really are! And really find the reasons why. It's not damage control (so dig deeper than scratching on the surface). Get creative. Get crazy. Have fun with it. Laugh at yourself. Laugh with yourself.

It really was that simple, right?

Simple, not easy, but
that's just how beautiful
things work.